Burn My Shadow
by rawritscasey
Summary: Sequel to Mess of Me; Things were going great for Eli and me, but then Fitz comes back into the picture and makes things confusing again. But something about Eli is changing, not in a good way. I want to be there for him, but Fitz is just so irresistible.
1. Chapter One

A/N: So, I literally just witnessed the new promo of the new episodes of season 10 of Degrassi.

My initial reaction was: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! If you've seen the new promos, you know why I, along with many other Eclare fans, probably reacted that way.

So, naturally, an idea for a fanfic based off that promo popped in my head. And I'm going to take that idea and make a continuation of my other fanfic based off of a promo, **Mess of Me**. Yes, this story is going to be the sequel. I just have to say that this story will be super intense and kinda dark, but not as dark at some of my other stories.

Also, just a note, my other fanfic, **A Lesson in Deception**, might take a longer time to update now that the ideas are flowing more for this story now.

I present you with my newest fanfic, **Burn My Shadow**.

* * *

_Chapter One  
_Roll With The Foxes and Hunt With The Hounds

_XX_

_Please don't go.  
__Just stay.  
__I watched with tears in my eyes as you walked away.  
__Miss your voice.  
__And your touch.  
__And if I told you I loved you, could that be enough?_

I ripped my iPod headphones out of my ears and threw the mp3 player across the room. Fortunately, it didn't break. I didn't know why I was so mad all of the sudden. It's like nothing I do makes the anger and anticipation go away. I mean, finally, when Eli and I are doing great and my life is back to normal, Fitz has to swoop on in and screw everything up again. Why couldn't he just leave it alone?

Fitz told me that he was going to pick me up later, but I honestly didn't know why. All throughout the rest of the day, I have been hiding out at my house trying to think up some excuse to refuse Fitz's invitation if he came over. But he never showed up.

I rolled over on my bed and turned my alarm clock toward me: 10:57PM. I groaned and rolled back over onto my back and stared up at the ceiling. I had been trying to fall asleep since 8:30 but for some reason, I couldn't. Maybe it's because I'm too hyped up with curiosity as to why Fitz is picking me up, or maybe it's because I've recently developed a case of insomnia. I liked the second choice a bit better.

I pulled the comforter over my body and buried my head into my fluffy pillow. I shut my eyes and tried to will myself to fall asleep, with no such luck.

About twenty minutes passed and I still hadn't found sleep. But just then, I heard a knocking sound coming from somewhere in my room. I sat up in my bed and looked over at my bedroom door. I kept wondering why my parents would be waking me up so late at night. I untangled my bare legs from my sheets and walked over to the door. But just as I was about to grasp the handle, I heard the knocking sound again, and it wasn't coming from the other side of my door.

I froze in my place and contemplated on what I should do. The sound came from the other side of me, which had to mean that it was coming from my window. I slowly turned around and looked over at the window on the other side of my room. I couldn't really see much of anything. But there was something, or someone, there. That, I was sure of.

My eyes flicked toward my light switch and I flipped the lights on. I looked back over to my window and almost screamed.

Fitz was crouching down on my balcony from the other side of the window. At first, I gave him a horrified expression. But once my fears washed away, I glared at him and stomped over to the window.

"Hey sex buddy," Fitz used the fancy new nickname that Eli once said as soon as I opened the window and he sat on the window ledge. I couldn't lie, Fitz looked particularly amazing tonight. His newly grown out hair was rumpled to perfection. The dark-washed jeans that he wore fit him wonderfully. His plain gray tee-shirt clung to his defined muscles, making him quite irresistible. The expression on his face made my heart swell. He looked both amused and devious and it made me want to pounce on him right then and there.

I shook my head to rid the filthy thoughts and kept on looking at him.

"Don't call me that," I warned as I slapped him in the chest. He let out a small laugh that made my knees weak.

"Sorry, Clare. Just couldn't help myself," he said to me.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him. Just as I said this, Fitz's face fell and he looked serious.

"You know why I'm here, Clare," he told me. And since I really didn't have the slightest idea, I continued to give him a puzzled expression.

"Um, not really," I said. Fitz let out a long sigh.

"I'm kidnapping you for the night," he told me. I almost burst out laughing.

"Doesn't asking someone if you can kidnap them defeat the purpose of kidnapping?" I asked with a smile on my face.

"Well, I'm not telling you where I'm taking you so it still kind of works," he said with a little playfulness in his voice.

"And what if I say no?" I asked him. A smirk appeared on Fitz's face.

"You won't," he said simply. We stared at each other for a couple moments before I breathed a sigh of defeat and looked away.

"I knew it," he said. I looked back at him.

"But seriously, I want to know where your taking me," I said to him.

"Ah, ah, ah. I'm kidnapping you, remember. I'm giving no details," he said. I huffed in frustration.

"Now, you'd better get some clothes on. I mean, I don't mind, but I think you will if you go out in public like that," Fitz told me, eyeing me up and down. I looked down to see what he meant and I lifted my arms to cover myself. I just then realized that I was wearing nothing but a pair of black panties and a white tank top with no bra. Let's just say, it was a bit see-through.

I mentally cursed myself for letting Fitz see me like that and I scampered to my closet. I pulled out a pair of jeans, a light pink bra, and the A Day to Remember concert tee that I got when I saw them live with Fitz. Then I turned around a saw Fitz staring at me.

"Um, could you look away or something?" I asked him, suddenly self-conscious. He smirked again.

"I promise not to look, although, it won't be an easy feat," he told me. I rolled my eyes and watched him as he turned his head to look at the books on my bookshelf. I pulled on my jeans and buttoned them up. Then I glanced back at Fitz to see if he was taking a peek, but he wasn't. I quickly took off my tank-top and threw on my bra as fast as I possibly could. Then I pulled the tee-shirt on and fixed the hem. I tried to fix my bed head as best I could, but there was no taming it. I let out a breath and turned toward Fitz just in time to hear him groan in disgust.

"What?" I asked him. He was looking at something on my bookshelf.

"You actually own Twilight the book?" he asked me. I rolled my eyes

"The movie was bad, but the books are really good," I told him.

"So, you like the gay vampire type, huh? Well, that explains why you're going out with emo-boy," Fitz said.

"Hey!" I said. He looked over to me and raised his hands in surrender.

"Sorry, sore subject, I know," he said. Then he made his way back to my window.

"Come on," he said, motioning to me with his hands.

I have spent all of my life living in the background. That's because I knew that was where it was safe. I didn't want to cause any drama and I didn't want people to hate me. But now I feel like life was passing me by and I had to start living before it was too late. Before, if Fitz would have asked me to sneak out of my house at 11:00PM and go to a destination unknown, I would have laughed in his face. But now, it's kind of like a normal occurrence for me. I like to think of is as letting myself grow up, because nobody can stay the same forever. And to be honestly, it rocks to be bad.

I flipped off the light in my room and we were encased in darkness. I crossed my room and followed Fitz out my window as he crawled across my roof. I watched him as he leaped over to a tree situated in front of my house. He shimmied his way down and landed on the ground below. He looked back up at me and I stared at him in horror. This is one detail that I had not thought of.

"Come on," he said to me.

"I can't," I told him. He looked around and then looked back up at me.

"Jump," he told me.

"Are you crazy?" I asked him.

"I'll catch you, I promise," he told me. He held out his arms, ready to stop me from plummeting to the ground.

"I-I don't k-know, Fitz," I stuttered.

"Don't you trust me, Clare?" he asked and he put on his baby face, pouting his bottom lip out and giving me sad eyes.

Without giving it a second though, because I know if I had I would have refused, I crawled to the edge of my roof and pushed myself off. Nothing but air was under me and my heart started beating erratically. I thought, just for a second, that Fitz had not caught me. But just then, I felt strong arms enveloped my body. My body did not hit the ground.

I looked up and saw Fitz staring down at me with an amused expression. A wide smile crossed my face and I started laughing. It felt so good to have the adrenaline coursing through my veins. I felt so energized and invincible, and most of all, _alive_.

"Having fun already, I see," Fitz said as he let go of my legs and let me stand on my own. I continued laughing and followed him to his motorcycle that was parked in front of my house. He handed me his helmet and I put it on. He got on his bike and I hopped on behind him. I hugged his body to me as he started his bike up. I loved the feel of his warm presence against me and it made me realize how much I missed riding on his motorcycle with him. He revved up the engine and took off down my street. He popped a wheelie right as we started spading down the road. It didn't scare me. It made me want him to do it again.

I don't know what the hell is happening to me, but all I know is that I am having a damn good time.

There were barely any cars on the streets so late at night. The feel of the cool wind on my face washed away ever care or doubt that I had. I was just living for that moment, right then. There were no worries the crossed my mind. Nothing but Fitz and me, having a good time together.

Fitz turned into the parking lot of a golf course and he parked his bike in an empty spot. He helped me off his bike and took my helmet off for me. I looked around a little confused.

"I think the course it closed right now, Fitz," I told him. He looked at me with a devious smile on his face.

"That's the point," he told me. Then he grabbed my hand and laced his fingers between mine. He pulled me along with him as he started jogging towards the golf course. He finally stopped in front of the green of one of the holes and took out his phone.

"What are we doing here?" I asked him.

"It'll be worth it, trust me," he told me. He continued to stare down at his phone. I looked at the screen and saw that he was looking down at his clock. Just as it turned 12:00PM, he shoved his phone back in his pocket and looked down at me.

"Ready?" he asked me. I looked at him, even more confused than ever.

"For what?" I asked. But he didn't answer me. He started running, pulling me along with him as we glided across the golf course.

Just as I was about to question Fitz again, I heard a _tsss _sound and I felt a mist of water rain down on me. I shrieked and looked around to find the source. That was when I saw the sprinklers had turned on and were drenching Fitz and me.

"Fitz, what the-" I started.

"Doesn't it feel good?" he shouted. I looked over at him and saw the expression of pure joy on his face. I had to admit, even though the water was ice cold, it felt amazing. It wasn't just the water the felt good, it was knowing that we were doing something bad that gave me a rush of giddiness.

I let go of his hand and started running on my own.

"Catch me!" I yelled to Fitz as I started running in the other direction. I heard him laughing behind me as I ran over the small mounds and sometimes through the sand pits. And just when I thought that I couldn't run any longer, I felt a hand clasp my upper arm and lightly yank me backward. My back came into contact with warm, slippery skin.

"Got'cha," Fitz said into my ear as I laughed uncontrollably. I turned around and he let go of my arm. We both started laughing so hard that no sound at all came out of our mouths.

I stepped a little further away from Fitz. I threw my arms up into the air and stared up at the beautiful night sky. I started spinning myself around in a circle and giggling.

I started to get a little dizzy after a few minutes and I stopped abruptly. I tried to stand as straight as I could, but I kept finding myself stumbling to the side at times. When I found my balance and looked up to see Fitz, he looked serious.

"What?" I asked him. He was silent for a few moments.

"I know you feel it too," he said. This caught me off guard.

"What do you mean?" I asked. He took a step toward me.

"The attracted between us, I know that you feel it," he told me. I stared at him in shock.

"Fitz, I.. um-," I stammered.

"Don't deny it, because you know it's true," he said, taking another step toward me. I found myself not stepping away. I let him come closer.

"I'm better for you," he told me. He leaned in so close this his lips were ghosting my ear. I shuddered, and not because I was cold.

"H-how?" I asked.

"With me, you're alive," he told me.

Then he crushed his warm lips against mine.

* * *

This story will be filled to the brim with drama. I already know everything that's going to happen and how the story will end and who Clare will end up will. This is the most excited I've ever been in writing a fanfic. It's gonna be great, if I do say so myself!

Reviews would be lovely and they will encourage updates!


	2. Chapter Two

_Chapter Two  
_Truth Hurts While You're Laying On Your Back

_XX_

I opened my eyes and the strong scent of smoke filled my nose. I grimaced and shoved my face into the pillow under my head. But I found that the pillow also smelled of cigarette smoke. I lifted my head from the strange smelling pillow and I took in the scene around me. I was not in my room.

I abruptly in the bed and flicked my gaze around the unfamiliar room. There was dirty laundry and trash coating the floors and dresser top. An Xbox 360 was hooked up to a small television in one corner. The room smelled strongly of tobacco. I looked down at myself and almost shrieked in horror. I was clad in only a bra and a pair of panties.

Startled, I looked over to the other side of the bed I was on and saw a man laying face down. He had not shirt on and one of his legs was sticking out from under the blankets. I thought, horrified, 'What did I do last night?'

Just as I thought this, the man flipped over onto his back and I saw his face. It was then that I remembered the happenings of the previous night.

**xx**

Fitz's lips crushed against mine was a feeling that I will never forget. They were so warm and welcoming. I found myself melting into the feeling and forgetting about everything. I allowed myself to kiss him back with a ferocity that I had never used with Eli.

Eli… crap!

I lightly pushed Fitz away, our lips disconnecting with a _pop_. I leaned my head down and kept my hand pressed to his chest. I loved the feeling of his burning skin under mine.

"I can't-" I started. Fitz was breathing loudly and erratically.

"Yes you can," he interrupted. His arm snaked around my waist and pulled me against him, our bodies crashing together. But I kept my face away from his as best I could. The water from the sprinklers was dousing us as we stood in the middle of the golf course. I looked up from half-lidded eyes and saw Fitz's face watching mine. Water droplets were coursing down his face and it made him look like he was crying.

"Clare, you have no idea about the feelings I feel for you. And I know that you feel something for me, too. I can see it in your beautiful blue eyes," he told me. His other hand, the hand that wasn't keeping me pressed to him, lifted and he pushed away a wet strand of hair that was stuck to my face. I blush crept up to my cheeks and I tried to look away. I heard him chuckle.

"I love it when you blush," he told me. I looked back up at him and I saw it in his open eyes that he was telling the truth. That was what set Fitz apart from Eli. I could always tell what Fitz was feeling and thinking. He's like an open book, and that's what I need. But with Eli, his face is often expressionless and closed off, like he doesn't want to let me in.

"I know that we haven't had the easiest of relationships, Clare. But I want you to know that I never wanted to hurt you. And I know you are way too good for me. I know it's absurd of me to ask you to be with me, but I've never felt this before," he goes on. I almost fall to the ground in a pathetic heap at Fitz's heartfelt words. The expression on his face was pained and broken. I wanted to smash my lips back into his to make him feel better, but I knew that I had to keep my head on straight.

"Fitz," I started, trying to find the right words to say, "You know I love Eli-" I said, but he interrupted me.

"But I love you," he almost shouted. His face was so close to mine and his words rang in my ears, echoing around in my head. Fitz loved me? _Mark Fitzgerald _loves _me_?

"Oh, Fitz, I-" I stammered. But honestly, I was completely speechless. This man, who had made me life a living hell a couple of months ago, is proclaiming his love for me in the middle of an empty golf course while he kisses me in the rain (well, sort of)? And also, I'm kissing this man, knowing full well that I have a wonderful boyfriend who loves me and would never cheat on me, like I just did to him.

_Who am I?_

But before I could answer him, his mouth was once again covering mine. I could find any ounce self-control left in my body after what Fitz just said to me. I let him kiss me and I kissed him back. I almost forgot that we were being soaked with the bone with freezing cold water. It wasn't until I Fitz noticed I was shivering that we stopped kissing.

"Oh man, you're shaking, Clare," Fitz said, looking alarmed. I looked up at him with a smirk on my face.

"You have that effect on me," I told him. WHOA! Where did that even come from? I'm not one to make innuendos. What was happening to me?

"Let's go," Fitz said, ignoring my comment and grabbing my hand, "I'm going to take you back home," he told me. We raced through the sprinklers once again and made our way back to the parking lot where Fitz's motorcycle was parked. I looked down at myself as Fitz got on his bike and I saw that my clothes were clinging to my body in a very uncomfortable way. I hopped on the back of the bike and we made our way out of there before anyone saw us.

The ride home was, to say the least, freaking _cold_. The cool wind hitting my soaking wet body was not a comforting feeling. It only made me cling to Fitz tighter and try to find some body heat to warm me.

Just as Fitz was about to turn down my street, I stopped him.

"I don't want to go back home," I told him as he stopped at the stop sign. He looked back at me, puzzled.

"Then where do you want to go?" he asked me. I thought about that for a moment.

"You're house," I said simply. He looked at me a moment longer and shrugged. He then made a u-turn and speed in the opposite direction. I pulled one hand from around Fitz and pulled out my phone, which I had left in the seat of the motorcycle when we had gone to the golf course, and texted my mom.

**Clare  
**_Alli called me tonight with a major emergency. I didn't want to wake you, so I left._

I sent that text and pulled up the new text screen to send another one.

**Clare  
**_If my mom or dad calls you, I'm at your house._

I sent that last one to Alli. I shoved my phone back into my pocket and wrapped my arm around Fitz once again.

"What was that?" Fitz asked over the roaring winds.

"Giving my mom a heads up that I won't be there when she wakes up. She would flip otherwise," I told him.

"So she knows you're staying over at my house?" he asked me.

"Not exactly…" I said. He laughed.

"Saint Clare, no more," he said. I smiled at that.

He's right. I'm no saint. Not anymore, at least.

**xx**

Everything is kind of a blur after that. All of the moments blend together and become mixed up in my mind. I'm not quite sure how Fitz convinced me to sleep in his bed with him, and I'm really not sure how he got me to take my clothes off either. Body heat, maybe? I truthfully hope so.

I sat there for a couple of minutes, contemplating what to do next. Fitz looked so peaceful and adorable while he was sleeping, with his hair all messy and pillow creases on his face. I almost giggled at how cute he looked.

But this isn't me. I'm not the kind of girl who wakes up in some random guys' house. I don't wake up in my underwear next to a guy who's not even my boyfriend. This scared me. It scared me enough to make me hop off of the bed and search for my clothes. But for some reason, I couldn't find my clothes anywhere. So I opted for the next best thing. I grabbed a pair of Fitz's basketball shorts and a plain black tee-shirt and slipped them on. His clothes were a bit big on me and looked quite strange, but it was better than having to walk out of here is just my underwear.

I took one last look at Fitz sleeping on his bed before I slowly opened the door to his room and walked out into the hallway, shutting the door softly behind me. I tip-toed through the house, careful not to wake Fitz's brother, Michael. I made it through to the living room and saw the front door. I walked over and found my shoes strewn across the floor. I slipped them on and headed out the door.

**xx**

Fitz actually lived in a familiar part of my neighborhood, so I knew where I was going. It wasn't until I was halfway home that I realized that I had forgotten my phone at his house. I groaned but kept on walking. I wasn't going back there.

I walked through a short cut that ran through a forest to get back to my house.

I heard the car coming toward me before I saw it. I heard the loud engine running, the sound coming closer and closer. I looked up and immediately hung my head back down, letting my hair coving my face.

My initial reaction to seeing Morty driving my way at that moment: _OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG_.

The hearse was coming closer and closer to me and I prayed to God that it wouldn't stop. To my delight, Morty passed by me. I breathed a sigh of relief that was short lived. I heard the slamming of breaks behind me and I started walking a little faster. I heard a door slam and a familiar voice call to me.

"Clare?" Eli yelled after me. I stopped dead in my tracks and mentally cursed myself over and over again. How that hell am I going to talk my way out of this one?

I slowly turned around the looked up at him. He looked gorgeous, as ever, in a white v-neck, black skinny jeans, and black combat boots. Eli's jet black hair hung over his face in slight waves as he stared after me in shock and confusion.

"Hey," I called back to him intelligently.

"What are you doing?" he asked me.

"Exercising is good for the body. I'm just switching to healthier ways," I lied. Oh my God! Who the hell was going to believe that? Eli's too smart to believe I wasn't lying.

"Um, Clare, no you're not. And plus, you don't need to exercise. You're perfect the way you are. So why don't you tell me what you're really doing walking around alone at nine in the morning," Eli said to me. Crap, he's not as gullible as I'd hoped.

"Well, what are you doing driving around alone at nine in the morning?" I asked him, trying desperately to change the subject.

"I just came from your house, actually. I was going to take you out to on a little surprise date but your mom said you were at Alli's. So I was just driving back home," he told me.

"Oh, well, I'm sorry," I told him.

"Come here, I'll drive you home," Eli said to me.

"No, I can walk," I told him.

"What kind of boyfriend would I be if I let my girlfriend walk home unaccompanied? Don't make me come over there and drag you back," he said to me. This made me laugh. I took a deep breath and started making my way toward Morty.

"That's my girl," Eli said. I shot him a sarcastic look and he just laughed. I opened the passenger side door and sat down in the seat. I slammed the door shut and stared out the windshield.

"What are you wearing, anyway?" he asked me when I got back into the hearse. I looked over at him and formulated a lame excuse in my head.

"My pajamas," I said, which made Eli burst out laughing.

"Seriously?" he asked between laughs.

"Yes," I tried to look hurt.

"Sorry, that's just not something I ever pictured you wearing," he told me. I rolled my eyes.

"It's comfortable," I said. I wasn't lying about that. I was pretty comfortable in Fitz's clothes. They smelled like him…

"By the way, you reek of smoke," Eli told me.

"Alli and I had a bonfire in her backyard last night," I lied yet again. Where is this all coming from? Eli nodded his head. I guess he believed that. I know that he would never think I smoked, even if it was the truth.

Eli started up Morty and the radio started blaring from speakers.

_I'm not trying to bring you down,  
__But you're lost in the clouds.  
__I've never been one to complain,  
__But your world around me kills me softly.  
__I don't wanna be demanding.  
__I just wanna know the reasons why,  
__We live and die in a world of lies._

The voice of Craig Mabbitt of Escape the Fate filled my ears. The medley of the piano and drums calms me and I sink back into my seat, taking in the familiar smell of Eli's hearse. He makes his way back around on the road and drives in the direction of my house.

"So, girlfriend, I feel like we haven't spent enough time together," Eli said to me. I looked over at him.

"We've been hanging out practically every day since we got back together," I informed him.

"I know. I guess I just can't get enough of you," He told me. I smiled.

"I can't get enough of you either, Eli," I told him. I leaned over and set my head against his shoulder, inhaling his wonderful scent. We stayed like this for the rest of the trip back to my house.

When he parked Morty in front of my house, he leaned down and kissed the top of my head. I lean my face up to kiss him on the lips.

"I'll talk to you later, okay. I'm kind of tired right now," I told him. His lips curve up into a sexy smirk and my heart melts.

"Sure thing," he said. I place my hand onto the door handle, when Eli pulls me back to him. He places a passionate kiss on my lips. This catches me a little off guard, but it's not like I didn't enjoy it. I pulled away and smile at him.

"Bye, Eli," I told him and open the door.

"I love you," he told me as I stepped out of the car. I leaned down so he could see me.

"I love you too," I told him and I slammed the door shut. I waved goodbye and he drove off down my street. I breathed a sigh of happiness and I turned on my heel to make my way to the front door.

Just as I'm about the open the door, it flings open and my mom appears looking furious and sad at the same time.

"Clare," she starts, "Alli's missing," she tells me. My chest tightened.

"What?" I practically shouted.

"Where were you really last night," she asked me.

Oh no.

* * *

Reviews?


	3. Chapter Three

_Chapter Three  
_Swimming in Regret, But the Water's Much Too Deep

_XX_

"Our daughter is becoming a whore because of you!" my mother screamed to my father downstairs. I sat in my room, cradling my knees to my chest after the long and heated banter that my mom and I had. I was all out of lies for the day, and I told her the truth about where I was. And let's just say, it didn't go over well. Actually, she ripped off my purity ring herself and threw it across the room because she thought I'd slept over at a boys house to have sex. My mother has always been too quick to judge.

Just moments ago, my father came back from the condo and my mom decided to take all of her excess anger out on him. I'm kind of glad that she isn't taking it all out on me, to be completely frank.

"How is this possibly _my _fault?" my dad asked, his voice rose to a dangerously high decibel.

"Oh please, Randall, I know you're sleeping around with that slutty assistant of yours!" my mom yelled.

WHAT!

Hold on, my dad is sleeping with other women? But they told me that they were going to try to make their marriage work? How could he do this to my mom? How could he do this to our family?

"What are you talking about?" my dad asked with a certain edge in his voice.

"I saw the text messages," she said. This is just getting worse and worse. There was a long pause before my dad spoke again.

"Look, Helen, I can explain-" Dad started, but Mom interrupted him.

"We are suppose to be saving our marriage and setting a good example for Clare, but you're going around hooking up with tramps and influencing our daughter to do the same!" she said to him.

I couldn't take any more of that. I hopped off of my bed and went over to my closet. I stripped off the basketball shorts and oversized tee-shirt that I had walked home in and pulled on a pair of flare jeans and a red flannel button-up shirt. I crossed my room and found my sneakers and slipped them on. I then pushed my window open and let the cool breeze wash over me.

I looked back at my room, at my old life. Then I climbed onto my roof and closed my window after me, leaving my safe and innocent life behind and officially putting an end to Saint Clare.

I crawled over to the tree that Fitz had used to climb down from my roof just the other night. There was about a foot jump to the tree from my roof. I slowly and shakily got to my feet and steadied myself. And without thinking about the consequences, I leaped off the roof and grabbed hold of a firm-holding looking branch and held it for dear life. Even though the bark sliced into my palms and my feet dangled ten feet above the ground, the adrenaline running through me was invigorating. I actually caught myself laughing while I shimmied my way to the trunk and slid down the length of the tree.

When my feet came into contact with the ground, I started running. I didn't even bother looking back to see if my parents had seen me. My life as crumbling down around me and I had to get away. That was the moment that everything changed, in more ways than one.

**xx**

I ran until I physically couldn't anymore. The adrenaline had stopped flowing and I was weak and fragile again. I stopped running and stood, leaning against a nearby tree trying to reclaim my regular breathing.

Once my heartbeat had slowed and my breathing was no longer irregular, I looked up and observed my surroundings. I quickly realized that I had run right to the place where I had taken Eli to work on our English homework when he convinced me to skip class. I breathed a sad sigh, remembering the moment that we had gotten too close and things got awkward afterward. That was before we were dating. It was before I screwed everything up by befriending Fitz and cheated on Eli. I can't even believe that I did that! Eli had been a wonderful boyfriend to me and this is how I repay him? And, on top of all that, my dad is cheating on my mom and my best friend is missing.

It's only a matter of time before I break completely.

I pushed my weight off of the tree and walked over to the bench that Eli and I once sat at. I stood in front of the bench and remembered how Eli had challenged me to scream at the top of my lungs in front of everyone and how good it made me feel. It was like I was letting out all of my anger.

I turned around and faced the street and took in a deep breath. I decided to step it up a notch, though, and do something that I had never done before.

"FUCK!" I screamed as loud as I could, right there in the middle of this very public place. I drew out the single syllable as long as I could. My parents had taught me that swearing was for sinners. But, isn't that was I am now, a sinner? And you know what? It was refreshing to do something that was forbidden for me for so long. I was so excited at how saying that word made me feel that I started to repeat it over and over. The looks that I got from pedestrians were priceless. I felt so reckless and bad.

But no amount of cursing could heal the pain that was boiling inside me. After I had gotten my fill of swearing, I collapsed down onto the bench and hunched over my legs, sobbing into my hands. I could hear people whispering about me but I couldn't have cared less. I was a broken mess and I felt that I deserved to be made fun of and ridiculed. I deserve this pain.

"Clare?" a familiar voice said. My cried halted altogether as the recognition dawned on me. I slowly lifted my tearstained face from my hands and looked up.

KC looked down at me with an expression of concern mixed with utter shock. His shaggy brown bangs were slightly covering his soft eyes. He was wearing baggy jeans and a blue hoodie that was zipped all the way. To my surprise, his presence actually comforted me.

"What?" I snapped. I really didn't mean to be snippy toward KC, but I was just having the worst day.

"Did I just hear Saint Clare say the f-word?" he asked, looking slightly amused.

"Don't call me that," I said.

"Why not?" he asked.

"Why do you even care?" I almost screamed at him. He actually flinched in shock.

"Clare, what's going on?" KC asked me, moving to sit down on the bench next to me. I put my face into my hands again and sighed angrily. I wasn't angry at him, of course. It was myself that I was furious at. After I didn't speak up for a few moments, KC decided to take the matter into his own hands.

"I know that I hurt you and that you don't think I care about you, but I do, Clare. I don't think there is anything that I can do to make everything completely better between us, but you can talk to me, you know. You can trust me," he told me. I raised my head and turned to look at him. He looked genuinely worried about me. But could I trust him? I didn't know.

"You wouldn't understand," I told him. He gave me a small smile as encouragement.

"Try me," he said. It was the smile that did it.

I don't know what it was that made me confess everything to him. I mean, this guy had basically cheated on me with my best friend and got her pregnant right after he dumped me. And I tried not to think about the karma in it, but…

Even though we have a complicated past, no matter what KC is still my friend. He seems to be the only one that I might have left if everything that I've done gets out. So I told him everything. I told him about Fitz and my parents and also about Alli. And he just sat there and didn't complain when my voice got to be incredibly high-pitched and annoying due to my crying. He looked at me with sympathy and understanding the whole time. It felt so good to have someone to talk to about this. KC even let me cry into his shoulder after I couldn't talk anymore. The smell of him calmed me. He didn't even complain when I wrapped my arms around him and squeezed as hard as I could.

"Clare," KC said after my cries died down, "There are a lot of words that I would use to describe you, but none of those words would ever come close to 'whore' or 'slut' like your calling yourself," he told me.

"Yeah right," I said sarcastically.

"No, really. You're just confused, Clare. It's not like you've done anything besides kissing," he said.

"But, I cheated on Eli!" I said that a little louder than I'd wanted.

"And you should probably tell him that before he hears it from someone else," he told me. I groaned loudly, realizing that of course I would have to tell Eli. But I don't see him taking it well at all. I see him running off and literally killing Fitz.

"I know, I know," I said. I pulled back from him and wiped the tears from my face.

"Are you going to be okay?" he asked me. I looked at him and managed to produce a half-genuine smile.

"Maybe," I said. Then KC stood up to leave, but I stood and grabbed his arm before he could walk away.

"How would you describe me?" I asked him, remembering what he told me.

"What?" he asked.

"When you said that there were a lot of words that you would use to describe me, what were they?" I asked. To my shock, KC grabbed my shaking hand and looked me straight in the eyes.

"Clare, you are a smart, funny, charming, lovely, kind-hearted, beautiful woman," he told me. His words made my heart skitter and blood to rush to my face.

"You're just a little lost, is all. But knowing you, you'll find your way. I know you'll be just fine, Clare. There aren't a lot of people like you nowadays. People who still have a good heart and cares about everyone, no matter what they've done to her," he said. The expression on his face was unreadable. KC seemed to be getting lost in the words he was saying.

"Just so you know," KC said, leaning in close to me, "I'm always here for you if you need me," he said. Then he pressed his soft lips to my cheek. He drew back and looked at me for a moment. I was shocked at his closeness. He gave my hand one last squeeze before he let go and walked off down the sidewalk. I just stood there, in front of the bench with wide-eyes and with more questions than before. But I decided against going after KC for the time being. I had enough to worry about.

I sighed and turned around to walk around a little more because I wasn't ready to go home just then. But just as I was about to take another step, I crashed into someone. I drew back in surprise and recovered myself.

"I'm so sorry, I-" I started, but then I saw who I had just run into.

Adam's face was filled with disbelief. How much had he heard?

"You're cheating on Eli?" Adam's voice cracked as he said it.

I think it's a safe bet that he had heard it _all_.

* * *

See how I added KC into the mix? Yeah, I don't think any of this is going to actually happen on the show, but if it did, I'd be hyperventilating throughout each and every episode.

Reviews?


	4. Chapter Four

_Chapter Four  
_Here's to the Words That Tell the Truth, When It's Easier to Lie

_XX_

My back hit the slippery shower wall and my legs gave out from beneath me. I slid down the length of the wall and rested on the shower floor, with the steaming hot water raining down on me, masking the tears on my face. My fingers reached up and threaded their way through my wet hair. My already awful day had gone from bad to worse in a matter of seconds. One second, I was talking to my ex-boyfriend about me cheating on my current boyfriend and the next, my current boyfriends' best friend overhears us talking and comes over to confront me after my ex-boyfriend kisses me on the cheek.

Wow.

"_You're cheating on Eli?" Adam had asked me. I was completely floored. I really had no idea what to say to that. I mean, I'd been caught. There was no lying my way out of this one. I was going to have to start telling the truth._

"_I.. uh.." I stuttered. I usually always know what to say, but right then I was so shocked that Adam overheard KC and me talking that I couldn't form coherent sentences in my head._

"_I can explain," I finally managed to get out. Adam's face was a mixture of confusion and anger._

_He crossed his arms over his chest, but it looked a little funny considering his cast. _

"_I'm listening," he said. And just like that, just as I had done moments before with KC, I started spilling the honest-to-god details of my encounters with Fitz. All throughout it, Adam stared at me with a hard expression. _

"_Well, you'd better tell Eli this before he hears it from someone else," he said after my story had come to an end. _

"_I know, I know," I said, dreading the deed. I was not looking forward to the look on Eli's face when I tell him about my escapade with Fitz._

"_I can't believe you, Clare," Adam almost shouted. His words hurt me, but I knew that they were true. _

"_I know. I can't even believe myself at this point," I told him. I was so close to tears that my eyes stung. _

"_Why?" he asked. I looked up and saw how hurt he looked. I know that it was Eli that I cheated on, but I felt as if I had betrayed Adam too, considering the not-so-pleasant encounters that he has had with Fitz before. _

"_I don't know," I said weakly. Why aren't I able to resist Fitz? What is it about him that pulls me in? I mean, I have such a great connection with Eli. Why is Fitz so special that he causes me to jeopardize my relationship with Eli?_

"_Well, you'd better come up with a reason for Eli," he said, "And, I'm not going to keep this a secret for long. Either you tell him now, or I tell him later. I don't think he's going to like it if I tell him," he finished._

"_He's going to be furious either way," I whined. But I knew that Adam was right. _

_We stood in front of each other for a long time, then; neither of us wanting to speak up. He stared at me with the most judgmental eyes I have ever seen directed at me._

"_What is happening to you?" he asked, finally saying something. Honestly, I had been asking myself that same question and I can't, for the life of me, find the answer. I hung my head and let a single tear escape my eye. _

"_Truthfully," I said, "I don't know."_

I reached over to turn the water off in the shower. No longer was my body enveloped in warm, comforting water. I thought that coming home and taking a nice hot shower would help ease the pain like it always used to. But now, the magic has worn off. Either that or what I have done is so bad, that the only way to make the agony and guilt go away is to face it.

I lifted my body from the slippery floor and stepped out, grabbing the soft white towel and drying myself off. I squeezed the water from my short hair and wrapped the towel around my naked body. I took one last look at myself in the mirror and hardly even recognized myself. My eyes, which used to be filled with life and giddiness, were now dull and fragile looking. My skin looked super pasty and washed out. The look on my normally bright face was indescribably sad and broken.

I couldn't stand to look at what I've become a second longer. I pried my gaze away from the mirror and head out of the bathroom and into my room. Just as the door closed behind me, the doorbell rang. I groaned and whipped the towel off me, not even caring that my blinds were not covering my windows. I ran to my closet and found a random combination of undergarments and slipped them on. Then I pulled out my favorite pair of gray sweatpants and a black tank-top. I tried my best to make my hair look a little bit more presentable, with no luck. I sighed and headed out of my room and down the stairs.

I got to the door just as the doorbell rang once more. I grasped the knob and flung the door open. I stumbled back a little as my chest tightened when I saw who it was.

"Hey Clare," Eli said when I opened the door. He stepped toward me and wrapped his arms around my waist. He pulled me to him and crushed his lips over mine. I felt his kiss all the way down to my toes. I found myself melting into him, clinging to his t-shirt and getting drunk off his smell.

"Well someone's happy to see me," he said once he broke off the heated kiss. I blushed as he smirked down at me. Damn him and his smirk.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him.

"What? Can't a guy surprise his girlfriend with a visit?" he asked, looking hurt. But I knew he was only acting. I smiled.

"Well, here you are," I said. He smirked again.

"Yes, here I am," he said. He then kicked the door shut with his foot and reached for me again. I could only happily oblige, succumbing to the overpowering hold Eli has on me. He cupped my face in his warm hands and kissed me once again. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him down closer to me. Our lips moved over each others as our hands explored our bodies. I stumbled back into the wall behind me and he pressed his body against mine.

I couldn't help but let out a moan as he grinded his hips into mine. Things had never gotten this heated between us before and I loved the feeling of something new. But just as his hand started tugging at the bottom of my top, I knew that I had to put an end to this. Not because I wasn't ready or I was scared or something. I just didn't want things to go too far and then I will have to tell him afterwards and that would just be way more painful than it has to be.

"Eli," I gasped as I tore my lips away from his. I looked up at him as he loomed over me, his dark eyes filled with lust and desire. I felt bad about ending this, but it has to be done. And it has to be done sooner than later, so he doesn't find out from someone else, namely Fitz who I have yet to talk to about this whole situation.

"What's wrong?" Eli slurred his words slightly, like he was drunk with desire.

"I have to talk to you," I told him. He pulled back slightly so he could see me better.

"About what?" he asked. Once glance at him and I knew that I could say it while I was staring into that gorgeous face of his. I can't believe I had betrayed him. I am the stupidest girl on the planet. Most girls would kill to have a guy like Eli love them, and what do I do? I go off and cheat on him with a guy that he used to hate, and probably will hate again.

I ducked under his arm and walked over to the bottom of the stairs. He turned around and looked at me confused as I fiddled with my fingers, trying to find the right words to say. After a while of silence, Eli decided to speak up.

"What is it, Clare?" he asked me. I looked up at him and he had an expression of worry on his face. I quickly looked away and blinked back tears.

"Clare, are you-" Eli started

"I don't deserve your pity," I spoke up. Eli froze.

"What are you talking about?" he asked me, his voice shaking. Oh my God. I couldn't handle this.

"I did something bad," I said quietly. I fastened my eyes on the framed picture of my whole family hanging up in the front hall. It was a photo of Mom, Dad, Darcy and me. We were all smiling and looking like we were having the time of our lives. Maybe the pain and heartbreak was inevitable for me, since everyone in my family has experienced it in their own way. It really was only a matter of time before I reached my breaking point.

"What?" Eli asked, taking a step closer to me. But I held up my hand and he froze again. He looked so scared when I saw him out of the corner of my eye. I can't believe I was doing this to this broken man who has already gone through so much. I never wanted to be the one to bring him pain.

"I spent the night at Fitz's," I said. I decided to be blunt about since there really was no better way to say it. I could hear Eli swallow hard as he processed the information.

"D-did you-" he started.

"We didn't have sex," I told him. He breathed a sigh of relief.

"But we did kiss," I said. His breathing hitched and his scared gazed turned into a murderous one.

"Excuse me?" Eli shouted. I cringed at the volume of his voice.

"But, please will you let me explain?" I asked, suddenly alarmed that he might started to become violent. At least, that's what his gaze suggested.

"I can't.. I.." he stuttered. His chest heaving in angry breaths and he seemed incapable of coherent speech. I started to become more scared than ever.

"Eli, please let me explain," I took a step closer to him but he stepped back. He glared at me with a horrifying dirty look.

"What the hell, Clare? Why would you do that?" he shouted. There was really no holding back the tears at that point.

"Eli, I…"

"No! How the hell could you do that to me?" he asked, staring daggers at me. His gaze cut me open like a surgical knife. My newly mended heart ripped into a million pieces as his voice rose dangerously high.

"I'm so sorry!" I whaled. I tried to step toward him, but he kept on refusing me.

"Eli, you have no idea how-"

"Shut up!" he yelled, staring right at me. I looked into his eyes and saw tears of his own forming.

"Eli," I said, taken aback by his words. I knew that I deserved them, nonetheless.

"I need to get out of here," he said under his breath as he tried to get his breathing under control. He heads for the door.

"Please," I cried. Eli kept pulling away when I tried to keep him back. He opened the door and stormed back to Morty parked in front of my house. He gets in the hearse and drives away.

"No!" I screamed as Morty drove out of sight. I went back inside and slammed the door shut. I was so glad that my parents were away or this would have been a lot worse.

I backed up against the door and heaved in painful breaths. The tears escaped uncontrollably from my eyes and I couldn't stop the pitiful sounds I was omitting.

Then, something inside me snapped. I wasn't sad anymore. I was furious. I was furious at myself, at my family, at Fitz, at everyone. I wiped my eyes and stomped over to the bookcase in my living room. I took one look at the vase on one of the shelves and I grabbed it. I whipped around and slammed that thing into the ground as hard as I possibly could. I let out an angry scream as I did it. It felt so good and refreshing to have something else break instead of me for a change.

I bent down to observe the mess and found a particularly sharp-looking shard of glass that broke off from the vase. I held it in my hand for a while, trying to fight off the sudden urge. I tried to stop myself from making the same mistake that my sister made, but I wasn't in the right mindset. I gripped the shard of glass in my hand and pressed it to the tender skin on the inside on my forearm, just below my elbow. Without thinking it completely through, I dragged the shard across my skin and threw the piece of glass to the other side of the room.

I looked down at my arm which was becoming red with crimson blood.

Maybe, just like the rest of my family, I was destined for disaster.

* * *

Eek, this is starting to become darker than what I had originally intended. My mind was running wild while I was writing this chapter. As of right now, I think this story is going to have a _ton _of chapters, seeing as how there is so much to tell. Wow, I'm still kind of weirded out that it became this dark all of the sudden. But wait till the next few chapters! I already have the ideas in my head and they are AWESOME! Loads of drama ahead (what else, right?)!

P.S. I'm really sorry about the delay between this chapter and the last. I have been swamped with school work for the past few days and I had no free time to do anything. So I do apologize. I will try to pick up the pace when it comes to updating because I know how annoying it can be when an author doesn't update for _forever_.

Reviews?


	5. Chapter Five

_Chapter Five  
_Your World Around Me Kills Me Softly

_XX_

Eli slammed his palms against the steering wheel of Morty once he had reached the stop light. The emotions running through him were very new and completely terrifying. He didn't know how to react to this news. He still couldn't believe it.

Clare – _his _Clare – kissed another man. And not just any other man, too. She kissed Fitz. _Fitz_.

A part of him wanted to hunt Fitz down and show him no mercy as he kicked his ass straight down to hell. But the more rational and sensitive part of Eli didn't want to start up anymore shit with him because he didn't want a repeat of Vegas Night. Also, he thought if he hurt Fitz, he would be hurting Clare too. Not that he thought she deserved any of his pity right then, but he still cared about her a great deal. He still loved her so much. And he would be damned if he was the cause of the hurt look on her face when she found out. He would never want to hurt Clare even though she had hurt him.

Eli's chest heaved up and down as he tried to calm himself.

'At least I didn't completely lose my temper,' Eli thought to himself as he waited for the light to turn green.

He still could not fathom what had just happened. They had shared one of the best kisses of their relationship one second, and the next she drops this huge bombshell on him. When she told him that she kissed Fitz, it seemed as though his world had shattered. His sweet and innocent girlfriend has two-timed him with his enemy.

Eli let out an exasperated sigh and dug his fingers into his thighs, hard enough that he thought he would actually tear the fabric of his jeans and break the skin under it. But before he could do that, the car behind him beeped their horn and Eli's eyes shot open. The light had turned green.

He pressed down on the gas and drove across the intersection.

**xx**

Eli slammed Morty's door shut and he stalked across the grass to the front door of his home. Just as Eli was about to open the door, Cece suddenly appeared on the other side, having beaten him to the door.

"Oh, you're home so soon," she said to him, looking a bit worried when she saw his face. He averted all eye contact with her.

"I don't want to talk about it," he said simply and tried to walk past her and into the house. But she stopped him.

"Eli," she said, grabbing his arm, "What's the matter?" she asked. He looked up at her and she clearly saw the unshed tears in his eyes.

"I said I don't want to talk about it," he said, ripping his arm away from her. He didn't mean to lash out at his mother; she hadn't done a thing. But he was just in one of those moods where anyone and anything pissed him off.

"Oh, well, alright," she said, giving up for now. Eli started to make his way to his room when Cece interrupted him once again.

"Dr. Lanman came by today and dropped off your medication," she told him. Eli stopped and looked at her over his shoulder.

'Great,' he thought, 'Now I'm even more of a freak.' Eli walked back over to his mother and grabbed the pill bottle that she had been holding all this time.

"They're selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors," she told him. He looked up at her like she was speaking another language.

"Anti-depressants," she clarified, "They're to help with your hoarding."

Eli clutched the bottle in his shaking hand. He looked from the pill bottle and up to his mom several times before he muttered a 'thanks' and headed off to his room.

He opened the door and took in the sight. At least some parts of his floor were visible now. His bed was completely cleared off and he didn't have to sleep on the living room coach anymore. Clare had really helped him through the process of clearing out his room of old, unwanted memories and replacing them with fond, new ones. But then he had a horrible thought: what if, based on recent events, Clare and he broke up? Would he go back to his old habits? It was Clare that supported him and gave him the courage to change. And now, it seemed that she would no longer be in his life.

He didn't exactly want to break up with Clare, but he was mad as hell at her for kissing Fitz. Could he suck it up and forgive her, because he knew that he needed her and she needed him? Or would he be a pussy and give up?

Out of frustration, Eli kicked the nearest box and it flew across the room, coming to a halt at the wall and spilling the entire contents to the floor. Eli groaned and closed his door behind him. He walked over to the spilled box and started picking up the objects that used to be in it. He came to a halt when his fingers came into contact with a piece of dark blue fabric. His breath hitched and his heart stopped. He held the shirt up to he could see it and almost burst into tears.

It was Julia's shirt.

He didn't know how he had not seen it when he put the shirt into the box before. He remembered every detail of the night she left the shirt in his room. He had kept it because it smelled like her. He would place it on his pillow every night that Julia wasn't with him so he could at least smell her intoxicating scent. He had stopped sleeping with it after he had gotten together with Clare.

He held the shirt up to his face and breathed in. It no longer smelled like Julia. It had been in his room too long and now it just smelled like the rest of his room.

His entire body started to tremble and he thought he was having some sort of meltdown. His knees gave out and he crumpled to the floor, clutching the piece of cotton to his chest.

He wondered how things had come to this. It was now, more than ever, that Eli needed Clare. But she was off kissing other guys. He couldn't stand the thought of another guy touching Clare like that. But he also couldn't stand that thought of being without her. She was his rock. Without her, he would fall apart.

He didn't know what to do. So he stayed there, on the floor, clutching his dead ex-girlfriends' shirt to him and dreading what would happen next.

**xx**

I dumped the contents of the sweeper into the trash, making sure that my parents would not find out about the broken glass. I dropped the sweeper to the ground when my vision started to blur. I wrapped my fingers around the rag that was supposed to stop the bleeding on my arm. I pressed down on the cut, wincing at the pain, and trying to clot the blood before I lost anymore.

I can't believe I had done that! It had been an act of anger, not of self-hatred. Or so I was trying to convince myself.

The blur in my vision did not go away, neither had my dizziness. I was started to freak out. What if I had sliced an artery or something? I didn't actually want to die! I was could up in the moment and I was angry at myself. I guess it was my sick way of punishing myself for my sins.

I stumbled sideways and careened right into the wall of my kitchen. I pressed my face against the cool wall and squeezed my eyes shut, praying that when I opened them again, things would not be blurry. But when I did, it was even harder to see anything. I tried to push myself off the wall and find the phone, but when I felt for the receiver, I found that it was not in the home station. It was then that I remembered that the phone was upstairs. No way was I going to make it up there.

Then, out of pure memory, I somehow made it into my downstairs bathroom and flicked on the lights. I had to literally lean against the wall to stop myself from falling to the ground. I slowly made my way to the sink and turned on the faucet. I cupped my hands and tried to splash cold water on my face, but since I couldn't see pretty much at all, I ended up soaking the front of my shirt with freezing water.

"Eli," I choked out, "I'm sorry."

Then the ground was rushing up toward me and I couldn't see anything anymore.

* * *

Ehh, that was a painfully short chapter. And I want to say sorry again for the gaps in between updates. I've just been my lazy self for the past few days and I honestly didn't feel like doing anything.

Anyway... reviews?


	6. Chapter Six

_Chapter Six  
_The Deadly Sinner Saves the Once Heavenly Virtuous

_XX_

"_Clare_," a voice said from far beyond.

I could feel nothing. I couldn't move. I couldn't speak. I couldn't breathe.

It was just… blackness. There was nothing at all. The only thing I heard was the voice calling my name from an unknown source.

"_Clare_!" the voice demanded, louder this time. There was something familiar about the voice, but I was too scared to delve into it at the time. What was happening? Why couldn't I feel a thing?

Suddenly, I felt a small, tingling sensation on my cheek. Someone's skin was pressing against mine. But I couldn't tell who.

They kept on repeating my name. I wanted to answer, but I couldn't. It was like I was dead…

Just as I had that thought, sensation flowed through my body. I felt my muscles clench when I wanted them to. They were responding to me.

My vision started to came back. I opened my eyes slowly and found that I was staring into someone's face. But it was to blurry to tell.

"Clare?" their voice was much softer now as they realized I was responding. I blinked my eyes a couple of times.

I felt a pair of arms wrapped around my body. I also felt incredibly cold.

I cleared my parched throat and looked at the person above me.

"Clare, can you hear me?" Fitz asked. I tried to say something, but a pathetic whimper came out instead. Nonetheless, Fitz breathed a sigh of relief and tightened his grip on me.

"I'm calling an ambulance," he said, unwinding an arm from my body and reached toward his pocket. A wave of fear hit me like a train.

"No," I managed to say. Fitz froze and looked at me, confused.

"Why?" he asked.

"I don't want to go to the hospital," I told him.

"No offense, but you don't look so good. I think you really should-" Fitz tried to say, but I interrupted him.

"I don't need to go to the hospital," I said firmly. My vision was better, but not back to normal. I tried to push myself up with my arms, but I ended up falling back into Fitz's arms.

"Whoa there," Fitz said, forcing a chuckle. He still looked on edge.

"What do you suggest, then?" Fitz asked me. I thought for a second.

"Can you help me to the kitchen?" I asked him. He stared at me for a moment. He obviously still wanted to take me to the hospital, but that was the last thing I wanted. I didn't want my parents knowing that I cut myself. They'd dump me in the loony bin for sure.

Fitz wrapped his arms more securely around me and lifted me up into the air.

"Hey!" I said, kicking my legs, "I meant will you _help me walk _to the kitchen," I said.

"I'm not taking any chances," he told me. He carried me out of my bathroom and into the kitchen. Fitz then set me down on the counter, letting my legs hang off the side and my back lean against the cabinets. Fitz situated himself between my legs and lifted his hand to my forehead, pushing back my bangs.

"Jeez, Clare, you're really cold," he told me. I opened my eyes and looked at his expression. He looked genuinely worried. Then a strange thought came to mind:

"Hey, how did you get in my house?" I asked him.

"I came by to drop off your phone and to talk to you, but you wouldn't answer the door. You really should lock the door, by the way," he smirked up at me.

"So you just barged in here?" I asked.

"It's a good thing I did," he said, looking down at the rag that was coated with blood. His fingers traveled in its direction, but I pulled my arm away defensively.

"What happened?" he asked. I averted my gaze from his. I was ashamed enough just thinking about it, but talking to Fitz about it would be unbearable.

Fitz leaned closer to me. I could feel his breath tickle the exposed skin on my neck.

"What did you do?" he asked quietly. I don't think he wanted to believe it either.

"I was using a knife when I was cooking lunch and I accidentally sliced my arm and I tried to clean it off in the bathroom but I didn't make it," I lied. I mentally slapped myself for my stupidity.

"Then why is there no food out and where's the knife you 'accidentally' cut yourself with?" Fitz asked, not buying a single word of my lie.

I had nothing else to say to that. I sighed sadly and hung my head. I heard Fitz draw in a sharp breath.

"Clare, please don't tell me…" his sentence trailed off when I lifted my head to look at him with my broken expression.

"I'm sorry," I said sadly. Fitz looked at me in disbelief.

"Why?" he asked. I couldn't help but hear the slight crack in his voice.

"I didn't mean to do it," I told him, fully aware of how dumb I sounded.

"Then what did you mean by it? Just for kicks, eh?" Fitz started to sound mad.

"I'm sorry!" I said defensively. Fitz let out an angry sigh.

"At least let me help you clean it up," he said. His hands reached for my bloody arm and I hesitated.

"Come on, Clare," he said to me.

"Fine," I said and let him clasp my wrist and pull it towards him. His studied my arm for a second before carefully lifting the blood-stained rag from my cut. Fitz gasped at the sight of it.

"Oh my God, Clare," he said, looking from my cut to my face several times.

"Where do you keep your first aid?" he asked me. I lifted my other hand and pointed to a drawer beside him. He reached over and opened the drawer, taking out the supplies.

Fitz rubbed the dried blood off my arm and cleaned as much around the cut as he could. Then he grabbed the bottle of disinfectant and he looked apologetically up at me.

"This is going to hurt," he told me. I gripped the edge of the counter top and screwed my eyes shut. Fitz's gentle fingers held my arm in place.

"Do you want me to count down, or should I just do it?" he asked me.

"Just.. do it. Just do it," I said, openly afraid. Then, without warning, Fitz dumped some of the contents of the disinfectant onto my cut. I shrieked when my arm felt like it was on fire. I had never felt that much physical pain before in my life. Fitz set down the bottle and grabbed my hand, shushing me and calming me down.

"It's over," Fitz repeated over and over again to me. Once my breathing regulated and the pain hand died down, he reached over and placed a layer of gaze over the cut. It didn't hurt quite as bad.

Fitz then found the ace bandages and wrapped it around my arm, holding the gauze in place.

"There," Fitz said. I looked down at my arm.

"How do you know how to do all this?" I asked him.

"When you live like me, it's kind of mandatory," he chuckled. I loved how he attempted to lighten the mood.

"How do you live?" I asked him curiously. He looked at me and smirked.

"Let's just say, it's not the kind of life for you," he told me.

"How do you know?" I asked.

"I just do," he said. Then there was an awkward silence between us. Neither one of us knew of what to say next. I was still very curious as to what his life was like. Even though Fitz sometimes confided in me, he still wasn't too open about all aspects of his life. I found myself wanting to know everything about him.

"Well, I think you should go," I told him. I pushed his slightly away so I could hop down from the counter. I found myself still a bit dizzy, but it was manageable. I made my way out of the kitchen, through the living room, and stopped at the front door. I turned around and stumbled back. Fitz was very close to me.

"I still need to talk to you," he said. I could smell his minty breath on my face.

"I know," I said quietly.

"Can I have something, before I go?" he asked me.

"Um, what-" I was cut off by Fitz's lips covering mine. His hands gripped my waist and pulled me against him. I melted into his body as our kiss grew more and more passionate. But I knew I had to end it.

"Fitz," I said, breathlessly, once I had broken away from him. He looked at me through half-lidded green eyes.

"Don't tell anyone about what I did," I said to him. He looked at me and nodded.

"Don't worry, my little sinner," he said, smirked. I grimaced at the nickname he gave me. Then he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small folded piece of paper. Then he reached behind me and slipped the paper into the back pocket of my sweat pants. His fingers lingered just a second longer than they needed. Then he quickly kissed my cheek, took my phone from his back pocket and placed it on a nearby table, and exited out the front door.

I stood there, stunned, for a few moments. It wasn't until I heard the engine on Fitz's motorcycle start up that I was snapped back to reality.

I walked over to the table and shoved my phone into my front pocket. Then I reached back and took out the piece of paper that Fitz put there. I held the paper in my hands for a moment, contemplating if I should really read it. Then I opened the paper and read Fitz's masculine scrawl.

_Just remember,  
You're never alone. I'm here for you.  
__Always.  
No matter what. _

_

* * *

_Meh, such a cheesy ending. But.. I love cheesy!

Reviews?


	7. Chapter Seven

_Chapter Seven_  
I Never Thought That Things Would Come This Far

_XX_

Fitz kicked at a rock that happened to be in his path. He still couldn't believe that he had given Clare that stupid note. He felt like such a sap. But Clare seemed to like sappy stuff like that and he liked Clare. No, he loved her. She brought out the emotional, lovey-dovey side of him. And as much as he hated that kind of stuff, he loved being with Clare more.

He was walking around downtown shopping for a new CD that had just come out. People took one look at him when he walked by and veered in the opposite direction. He loved that. He loved feeling intimidating. He gave everyone passing by a challenging look, as if he was saying 'I dare you to take me on'.

But Clare was different.

She didn't seem to find him intimidating or scary like most people did. He did admit that it was refreshing to have someone who wanted to come up to him and have a conversation. Or to have someone who was willing to pull him in their arms and kiss him…

And he knew full well that she was dating Eli. Even though he had promised he would make-nice with his little emo-boy foe, he could help but envy him. He had his girl. And it wasn't like Eli didn't deserve Clare anymore than Fitz did, but he still convinced himself that he was better for her than Eli was.

Fitz knew that Clare loved Eli too, but she seemed to end up kissing Fitz more and more often now. He could see it in her eyes that she had feelings for him, maybe not as strong of feelings as he has for her, but still.

He also couldn't help but be pissed that Clare ditched him this morning. He knew that she had slept over at his house and when he woke up, she had been gone. Her clothes were still in his room when he woke up, so he wondered if she had put on anything when she left.

It was an intriguing thought, Clare without any clothes on. Countless nights, Fitz would wake up, sweating and panting from another racy dream about her. He tried to tell himself that is was wrong to think of a girl as innocent as Clare doing such vulgar acts as she did in his dreams, but damnit, he couldn't stop.

Fitz shook the thought from his head because he didn't want to risk getting a boner right there in the middle of the strip mall.

He turned the corner and someone familiar caught his eye. He saw Adam walking the opposite way about twenty feet in front of him. He was holding the hand of his new girlfriend, Fiona. Fitz wasn't too familiar with the girl, but he thought she was good looking. Adam was staring at the side of Fiona's face all dream-like as she was talking to him.

Fitz still thought that it was weird that Fiona would date a guy who was really a girl, but they seemed to be happy together.

Adam leaned over and kissed Fiona on the cheek and Fitz could see the blush on her face. Fitz didn't usually get all warm and fuzzy when he saw young couples together; it usually made him sick. But when he saw these two, he got a strange feeling in his stomach. His eyes widened and he quickly looked away from them.

He began to casually stride forward when he heard his name being called out by a familiar feminine voice.

"Fitz," Adam called out. Fitz looked back over at him and saw that he had slung an arm around Fiona. She was looking at Fitz cautiously.

"Hey, man," Fitz said nonchalantly, giving Adam and Fiona a nod of his head. Adam nodded back and looked at him a little strangely. But Fitz walked passed them quickly and sighed with relief. He heard their hushed whispers behind him, but he couldn't have cared less.

Fitz walked along the sidewalk for another couple of minutes just to pass the time. Bianca and Owen still haven't been talking to him since the Vegas Night scandal. It was because of Fitz's knife stunt that the school was now required to wear uniforms and the new strict rules were enforced. To say the least, Fitz was the object of their blame.

Even though he didn't usually like the company of others, Fitz found himself feelings lonely nowadays. It was only when Clare was in his line of vision that his spirit brightened and he felt full and alive. Before, he was hanging around people who really only liked him because his cousin is a drug dealer and he could get everyone weed for less money. Some of the girls only liked him for the sex. Not that he didn't used to complain about that, but now, when he was on probation and he couldn't really do that stuff, his friends at the ravine kind of edged him out. He stopped going to the ravine all together after a while. He would sit at home a lot or he would seek out Clare when he was really desperate.

He used to think that his life was great, what with all of the drugs and sex. But then, when he got to know Clare, his view on life started to change.

He brought out a different side of him; a side of him that he didn't dare show to other people. He felt safe with Clare, and like he wasn't so alone anymore. When her fingers touched his skin, he felt something like an electric current shoot through his entire body. He had never felt that before with any other girl. He'd had sex with these girls, for Christ sake, and he'd never felt this emotionally connected to them as he did with Clare. And he'd never even had sex with Clare.

If Clare ever did agree to go out with him, the no sex thing would, of course, bother him. He'd probably try to convince her. But in the end, he found that he respected her to much to force her into something she wasn't completely ready for. He didn't know how Eli put up with getting to kiss her all the time and not have sex with her.

Fitz angrily kicked at a woodchip that had come from the ground around a tree nearby. He wondered why Clare wouldn't just give up the innocent act and be with him. He knew he couldn't be the only one feeling these feelings. He couldn't believe that he actually envied Eli. He got to be with the girl that Fitz would die for.

Tires screeched on the road beside Fitz and he turned around to see what had happened. But once his eyes had landed on the source, it was too late for him to get out of site.

A large black hearse sat parked on the side of the road as the people walking by eyed it questioningly. Fitz also wondered why someone would want to drive that thing around all day. It seemed a bit… dramatic to him.

The look on Eli's face when he stormed out of the hearse meant only one thing: Clare had told him what happened between Fitz and her.

Eli slammed the driver-side door shut and started daggers at Fitz. Fitz could have sworn his eyes were glowing red and steam was about to come billowing out of his ears, he looked so pissed off.

"You son of a bitch!" Eli shouted, causing the passerby's to watch him, terrified, as he crossed around the front of the hearse and over to where Fitz stood.

"So Clare told you," Fitz said smugly. He didn't exactly want to start something with Eli again, but he couldn't help himself.

This statement seemed to be the absolute _wrong _thing to say at the time because Eli's face scrunched up in pure rage, if it was even possible for him to be madder. Eli stomped right up to Fitz and shoved him in the chest, hard.

Fitz stumbled backward, his arms up in surrender.

"Okay man, let's not do this," Fitz tried to calm Eli down before things got too out of hand. But Eli wasn't about to back down. Even though Fitz should have regretted kissing Clare at this moment, he found it hard to.

"How dare you!" Eli shouted. He stepped up to Fitz and got up right in his face, even though Eli was a lot shorter than Fitz, so he had to actually stand on his toes to appear taller.

"Alright, I would say I'm sorry, but I just can't," Fitz smirked down at the dark haired boy. It looked as if Eli was one snide comment away from blowing steam out of his ears.

"You think you some big man who can screw around with my girlfriend behind my back, huh?" Eli asked him, getting even closer to his face. Fitz could feel the heat of Eli's breath on his chin. He stepped back a tad so bystanders wouldn't mistake the situation and think something else entirely.

"Hey, this isn't just my fault, man. She screwed around behind your back too," Fitz said. Eli raised his arms and shoved him hard again. Fitz slammed against the brick wall of a nearby building.

"Shit," Fitz muttered as the back of his head smashed into the hard wall. He reached up and cradled the back of his head with his hand and grimaced.

Eli came right back up to him.

"Did you really think I'd sit idly by and accept it?" he asked.

"Nah," Fitz said, looking down at him, "I thought she'd break up with you." Eli grabbed a hold of Fitz's sweatshirt and pulled him from the wall and shoved him to the side. Fitz stumbled back and almost tripped over an overturned trashcan in an ally besides the building. Now, Fitz was getting really mad and it was starting to get real hard to mask it behind his cool and collected attitude.

"Stay the hell away from Clare!" Eli exclaimed. Fitz straightened himself.

"What are you, my fucking mother? You can't tell me what to do!" Fitz yelled right back at him. Eli leaped at Fitz. Eli's arm was coiled back in mid-punch, but Fitz blocked it with his quick reflexes and caught Eli in the back of the neck. Fitz flipped around to Eli's backside and pushed him down onto the ground. Eli came down hard on the cement and muttered swears under his breath as he flipped back around and got up.

Then Eli did something that Fitz was too slow to block; he swung his leg up in between Fitz's legs at a painfully fast speed. Fitz cried out and doubled over onto the ground in the fetal position. His hands between his legs, he thought bitterly of how the tables had suddenly turned.

"Sorry about your nards, Fitzy boy," Eli spat at him. Eli sent another kick in his direction, catching him in the rib cage. Fitz cried out again and tried his back to get back up. But Eli kept on kicking him, bruising his body.

"How does it feel, you bastard!" Eli yelled. He had momentarily stopped kicking Fitz and he started to regain himself.

"This is what you get for crossing me, bitch!" Eli declared. But before he could land another kick, Fitz caught his leg and pulled, sending Eli crashing straight to the ground. Fitz breathing was shaking and he clutched his side as he pushed himself up off the ground. Eli was still on the ground, clearly stunned at what had just happened.

"I really should have finished you off when I had the chance," Fitz said, spitting out blood from his bit tongue. He turned to face the fallen boy and glared down at him. Eli looked up at him and gave him his signature smirk. That was what caused Fitz to snap.

Fitz launched himself at Eli. He sent his fist crashing into Eli's face multiple times. Eli couldn't seem to block his punches. His reflexes were clearly not as fast. Fitz actually found himself smiling when blood spilled from Eli's mouth after he delivered the hardest punch.

At this point, Eli's green eyes were rolling back into his head and his head was lulling to the side as Fitz gave his fist a small break. Eli coughed and his chin coated with blood. Fitz smirked in satisfaction.

Fitz coiled his fist back and he got ready to deliver the final blow. But he hesitated.

Suddenly, he pictured Clare. She was looking at him with her gorgeous sea blue eyes. Her plump lips curled up into the most adorable smile he'd ever seen. Her cinnamon curls bounced around her head as she threw her head back and laughed.

Then he saw her jumping up and down next to him at the A Day to Remember concert he'd convinced her to go to. The look of pure happiness shone on her face. She turned her head to look at him and his heart skipped a beat. He'd wanted to grab her and kiss her right then and there, but he settled for squeezing her hand just a little tighter to make sure he wasn't imagining it.

Then he saw her spinning around on the golf course as the sprinklers drenched her. Her wet clothes her clinging to her body in all the right ways. If she weren't wearing a purity ring, he'd have taken her right there on the green. And then he saw the amazing kiss they'd shared that night, and the many that followed.

Then he saw Clare with Eli and the expressions on her face when she was with him. She always looked so happy and her eyes were always lit around him. Then he pictured her face right after he'd pretended to stab Eli. He could never see her like that again.

He widened his eyes and dropped his fist. Eli's expression was slightly confused, and slightly distressed.

"I can't-," Fitz stuttered. He pushed himself off Eli and stood up.

"I'm- I-," he stumbled over another trashcan as he began to realize what he had been about to do. He knew that Clare cared a lot about Eli, probably more than Fitz would like to believe. And no matter what Fitz had done with Clare, she'd always gone back to Eli. There was no denying that she loved him.

So, that meant no matter how much Fitz hated Eli, he couldn't hurt him because that would mean Clare would also be hurt. And he would never dream of hurting her.

"What the fu-," Eli said confused as Fitz began to walk away from the scene. But he didn't look back.

* * *

Wow, so I haven't updated this in... over a month! Haha, I'm so sorry for the delay. Um, it's kind of a long story as to why I have been gone. I won't bore you with the details.

Who else can't wait for March 4th? FITZ FTW! So apparently Fitz and Clare are gonna bond over religion... all I can say is I can't wait!

I don't know when the next chapter will be up, but I do know that I am going to be posting another one or two shot of Eclare later this weekend.


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